Anxiety had a good hold of me, I was sweating and nervous and thinking to myself how in the world am I going to do this? I was walking my horse around in circles trying to calm myself down, all the while reciting Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious!"
"Wild Turkey Ranch, your up next!" The rodeo announcer said over the loud speaker. "I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this." I kept saying over and over again. But why? Why couldn't I do this? I love doing this! This is what I've been waiting for ever since I found out I was pregnant with Miss T. I couldn't help but be angry with myself as I walked Dunny into the arena, angry because I had to get so worked up about silly little things.
My heart was pounding as I loosed my rope and built a loop. I made sure my hands were right, reins and coils in my left, loop in my right, and gave it a couple of swings. It was hard keeping them from shaking. I walked Dunny in another circle as he started to prance, he knew what was coming.
"Are ya'll ready?" The judge asked us, I nodded my head yes. Dunny wouldn't stand still, he kept prancing around and didn't want to face the direction the steer would be coming from. My heart was pounding even harder, I couldn't hear anything due to the blood rushing through my ears. The seconds were ticking by as slowly as they could, torturing me. The judge raised his flag up and the gate at the other end of the arena came open. Dunny was wanting to rear up and the steer came busting out. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the flag go down.
Time stopped then, all my anxiety was left behind at the starting line. I could feel the adrenaline pumping and another sensation that I didn't understand came upon me. I leaned down low over Dunny's neck as he sprinted towards that black steer. We unintentionally left our team members in the dust. I was in my game, I was ready, I could do this! The steer had no idea what was coming as he ran towards me and Dunny. He was favoring the south side of the arena so Dunny changed leads and turned to the left hard to get me lined up with the steer. I started to swing my rope and Dunny put me right where I needed to be.
Now usually I'm not the best header in the world but on this particular day something was surging through me. I looked at the back of the steers head like I had been taught and threw my loop. To my disbelief it floated down nicely over the steers head and when I pulled my slack I had him caught.
I guess I was so excited about roping the steer that I wasn't ready when Dunny started to shut down. Had I been tied on I would have wrecked that steers world. Instead, I couldn't get my rope dallied in time and the steer got away.
But that's not the point of my post, the point is The Lord made me strongest in my weakness. I was wiped out from the previous event and hadn't been able to catch my breath. I was scared I was going to have a panic attack in front of all those people at the rodeo grounds, but instead I made my weakness to known to God and he gave me strength.
It felt so good to race down the arena at full speed and be able to rope that steer! And to have teammates who let me have first loop! I just wish I could overcome my weaknesses like that every day. I didn't come across the verse at the top until a few days after the rodeo but after reading it I realized that sensation was when he took off down the arena at top speed, it was the Lord's power residing in me, it was confidence!
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